Fossil Fuels

 

What will we do when the world runs out of fossil fuels?

When one thinks of fossil fuels, you think of gas for our vehicles, and that’s accurate. What people may not realize is that fossil fuels also fuel our electricity. Sure, some countries have renewable energy, but the majority do not. That includes the US, where I live and am from. America’s education system is lacking. I am the product of such, and I learn more from Tiktok, than I did in all my years of public school.

Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, I heard the phrase “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.” A lot. Teachers would send recycling stickers home in our backpacks for us to paste wherever our hearts desired. It’s assumed it was meant to be stuck to things that could be recycled, because we as children were educated in school about plastics, cans and how they should never embrace the inside of that plastic lined plastic trashcan. We must put it in a separate plastic container and then put on the edge of our driveways for large diesel trucks to come down the road and grab and dump the contents of that large plastic container into a large vat. That truck will then take it to your local dump. If you’re lucky, it will be sent to a recycling center. If not, it will be dumped next to the trash that you so carefully separated the “recyclables” from, together at last.

If your recyclables are so lucky to go to a recycling center, it will be processed and bundled – to be sold. The US has sold almost all of our recycling waste to China, in which they use it in manufacturing, considering they are largely, the world’s largest manufacturing sector, and manufactures nearly 30% of the world’s products. China has since restricted imports of certain recycling materials, most plastics and paper included. So what do they do with our recyclables now?

They throw it all away.

Yes, that’s right – all of your carefully separated recyclables are being thrown in the landfill next to yesterday’s moldy lasagna.

So, what now?

 I honestly forgot why I started this blog. I have others that have fallen to the wayside, like most things in my life. I spend all of my energy focusing on just getting through the day at this point. Between the pandemic, the election and just...life - I'm all fucked up. 

I started Nanowrimo...and of course with election week I've been an anxious mess. Chest pain, hyperventilation, you name it. I keep telling myself I'm not a good enough writer. I haven't written in a long time, I used to as a kid all the time. It was in my blood, my passion, my thing. It was my thing I did constantly. I stopped over the years while raising kids and just trying to live. I've started again. I keep telling myself I'm not good enough, but that begs the question...good enough for what? I am not writing for anyone else. Just for me. I want to do it because I want to do it. So what if it's bad? I have this severe fear of failure but I don't actually let myself fail. I stop before I fail. What the fuck is the point in that exactly, other than to feel like utter shit for not even trying. 

So I am writing this to myself, sorta, but I will publish it anyway.

Sara, write the damn thing. Just keep writing. Who cares how bad it is, or how good it is. Just write the damn thing. <3 

Anyone who reads this in internet world take the same advice I am attempting to give myself. Just write the damn thing. Write it for you and no one else. Write it to feel accomplished. Write the damn thing. 

Facebook

I have an addiction. It's facebook. I'm on it a lot. On my computer and on my phone. It's like I can't stop myself. I want to. I want to pay more attention to my kids. I feel like since my grandmother died I've become immersed into computers and phones. I didn't used to be like that but after her death the computer kept me sane. Now, I just am on it way too much. I feel like I'm missing out on my kids' lives. That's so horrible to do and feel that way. I want to change. I want to be a good mom. I really truly do. My oldest is leaving for a few weeks to go with his grandparents in Indiana. I will miss him terribly. He drives me crazy most of the time and makes huge messes....but I will miss him badly. I want to be a better mom to him. I want to so so badly. I feel like I failed him in many ways...moving around a lot, then me going crazy when my grandmother died...I was horrible. I barely remember. A1 has had a rough life...and I sometimes take my anger out on him. I shouldn't. He's a great kid and I love him with most of my heart (A2 and DH get the rest.) :)

I think I'm going to actively try to be a better mom. Step 1 - stop using facebook so damn much.

Indiana

We currently reside on the east coast, but my husband's family lives in Indiana. Just starting this year (now that A1 is starting Kindergarten in August) he has stayed with my husband's parents for a few weeks. We tried in January and it went well. Now, he's going out there for a few weeks again. We are taking him out, they are bringing him back. I enjoy trips to Indiana. I like the scenery, the atmosphere and the overall 'sense' of a road trip. This time we are pretty tight on money, so we are packing food to take with us and eat on the ride up instead of stopping at fast food places. It should be fun! I'm excited about it. I hope the trip goes well. A2 is 10 months now instead of 6 and I don't have to make the trip back home alone so it should go well!

Rustic Earth

So, I took some pictures of my candles today. Better pictures so I can sell them. I think they turned out okay - could be better. These are just a few:

You can find the rest of my pictures and my business page here. 

I really want this business to take off. I'm working out of my kitchen right now, so space is limited, but I enjoy making things. I'm hoping to sell some more so I can get better/more supplies. I found a few people selling their old candle business stuff, so I'm searching on craigslist for items. I know it's not easy, but I enjoy doing it. I especially enjoy the grubby candles. Those are fun to make! (Two purple candles above) 

I took some pictures of some flowers growing around our property today. 

I miss my Nikon my husband got my for my birthday...it broke less than a week after having it. UGH. In the future, I do plan on getting a DSLR. I have to learn how to use it though first...

Well, signing off here, enjoy this picture of one of our chickens! 

2 years later.

I started this blog at the insistance of my dad. I kept up on it for a short time, but then lost interest. I do that. I lose interest in things and then stop doing them. I'm going to stop doing that. I need to finish the things that I start. I'm so incredibly bad at that.

I recently started a candle and soap-making company with my friend S. She makes soaps, I make candles. I love it so far. I'm just trying to get 'out there' so people will buy my stuff. I promised my mom and another person a few free small candles for them to.try and see if they like them. Mom said she was going to help get my name out there. I made business cards and have a page on facebook. Tomorrow I think I'm going to make some more candles and do a photo shoot with all of them. They are all wrapped up and ready to go! I did get an order from a friend out of state, so that is exciting. I'm eager to start on it.

My page on facebook is Rustic Earth. Please visit and like!! (And buy some candles!)

I have 2 sons. A1 is 5 almost 6 and A2 is almost 10 months. Their birthdays are both in August. Double birthday this year! It should be fun. I can't believe I have two kids and I can't believe my oldest will be 6 and starting kindergarten in 3 short months. Time flies.

My creativity

I feel as though my creativity has come to a stand still. I cannot write, scrapbook or even do simple crafts. I keep telling myself I need to start my scrapbooking again but I end up spending useless hours, at my computer on Facebook or watching youtube. I'm becoming monotonous, boring and useless.

Does anyone know how to get creativity "jumpstarted?"

Forgotten Pain at the End of the Day

Forgotten soul be lonely no more

The wind wraps around to comfort you

As the sun sets on the salty shore

you reminisce about the things you never got to do

Sweet soul be reminded you're never alone

The air around you is filled with life

Don't be against the things you condone

You wouldn't have the happiness without pain and strife

Enjoy the life you've got good or bad

And as the sun sets for the day

Be thankful for all of the moments you had

And tomorrow be sure to keep the devil at bay

Hope Grows Cold

With eyes full of tears and a heart full of sorrow

She walks on in hopes of a brighter tomorrow

The words she hears get harsher everyday

She's silent because she doesn't know what to say

Down and out he speaks kind words

Her fake happiness brings back his swords

He has no clue how much she hurts sometimes

Wanting to give up but she continues to climb

Her faith doesn't die no matter the pain

The happiness is worth it to herself she explains

She'll continue to wait as the day grows old

She just hopes he turns around before she's completely cold

Speaking, Writing, Opinion

One does not have to use "big words" to be a good writer, or a good speaker. Personally, I think that large words sometimes make a person sound uppity or even stupid, if they do not use the word correctly.
Example: He is being very Precocious right now. (Precocious in reference to being "shady") FAIL.

If you are going to use "big words" then PLEASE make sure you are using them in the correct reference! No one sounds "stupider" than when they are trying to use words to sound smart, and using them wrong.

The Rainbow Tempts Thee

In vivid color they jump at you from behind a cloud
A pleasant dream disturbed
Vile yellow reminds the sun to shine down brighter on the vermin
The red bleeds into the ugly orange, making the color of a destructive sun in children's pictures
Envy shadows cold blue, icy remains of shattered glass
Blueberries with their sweet juice stain the imperfect sky
The vile shape tempts fools, promising a black heart and gold eyes
Tearing to shreds their already broken interior
Makes its home on their wrists
Slowly waiting for the inevitable end

Advice (Ramblings at 3 am.)

When you are out, driving home from work, the store, or a friend's house at night, look around you. Look at the beauty of a darkened field full of lightening bugs. Look at the beauty of the trees swaying in the wind. The lights of a gas station in the distance. Silence.
Get up when the sun rises. You will see the birth of a new day, full of hope. Life blooms in the morning; birds sing, the mountains sigh, the mist rises.
When out in public, look around you instead of walking by people, not noticing. Look at children in all their innocence. Look at your own children instead of ignoring them. Life is so busy that we don't take a minute to stop. Stop and look around you at the beauty of the world. Even if the most desolate places, there is beauty.
Don't take the beauty of life for granted. Don't take the things that are given to you for granted. We all take too much for granted; maybe it's to take our minds off of things. Maybe it's because we are too busy.
Take the time to read to your kids; kiss your wife or husband; call an old friend. It's the things that are closest to us that we do not appreciate enough.
Smile. Smiles are the saving grace. If you can smile when you want to yell, cry, scream, fight; do it. Make it a goal to remember good things instead of bad. Don't criticize too much.
Love freely.

Why Me?

I did what I could
I acted the way I should

I tried with all my might

To do just one thing right

I made mistakes, but doesn't everyone?

I did have something

Now I have no one

In my dreams I see your smile

It makes dreaming all worthwhile

If I could turn back the hands of time

I'd do everything right and you'd be mine

Why Me?

I did what I could
I acted the way I should
I tried with all my might
To do just one thing right
I made mistakes, but doesn't everyone?
I did have something
Now I have no one
In my dreams I see your smile
It makes dreaming all worthwhile
If I could turn back the hands of time
I'd do everything right and you'd be mine

Just Be Me?

Why can't I be like, why can't they open their eyes?
I'm not what you think, I am what you despise
I'm hated and abused for the sake of being me
Why can't they like what they see?
Why I can't I just be me?



I wrote this while in highschool. A lot of the poems that will be posted I wrote when I was in highschool.

A Little Off Subject...

http://www.zazzle.com/squirrels_love_cheeze_itz_tshirt-235557964135733972

Just look at it. It's 30 bucks, but it is just so adorable that you can't resist!

A Poem of Lovers; A poem of Life and Death

Sun shines ever so bright
Never felt this cold
A man full of might
Has never felt so old
A child is born, the perfect sight
Many times her body sold
A father and son fly a kite
Gunned down so quickly, bodies now cold
Never dying spirit radiant with life
Ends so sudden without warning
A man finds a woman to make his wife
That ends so quickly as night becomes morning
Sweet nothings whispered in the ears of a lover
Mean nothing as she lies in someone else's arms
A man and a woman created perfect for each other
But the man is seduced by another woman's charms
Moonlight glistens off the ocean waves
That destroy an island with hundreds of souls
A child happily waits for many days
His mother killed when his father looses control
It's a crazy life beyond our reach
If bad things didn't happen then what's the use?
It's here as a joke and to teach
Some learn, some don't-it's for you to choose

Lovers

The word I cannot utter calls
Shh. The secret is out
Spread the word quiet-like
It's in the alleys behind the slums
Echoing
In the bedroom
In the lounge
Among the wild flowers
Lovers blood
Timidly revealing
Love in his eyes
Lust in his heart
Coaxing off the layers
Silky skin against rough hands
Caressing
He slowly inches
She braces and kisses his soft lips
Tongue searching and tasting
He pushes and Pulls
Her legs around his hips
Arching against him
He nuzzles her breasts
She looks in his eyes
They go to heaven and back together
Releasing himself into her
Screams Echo
They return to earth
He leaves
She cries
The act repeated
A heart broken

Old Wounds, New Love

I remember the past

The talks

The laughs

The tears

All that were so clear to my heart have faded away

Broken hearts never heal

I loved him once

I miss our talks

And the feeling of new love

It's gone now and I have a love

He is my only

But I still remember his voice

I'm glad for the talks

I regret not a moment

I still wonder...

But I have a love

Sleeping soundly in bed, I look at him

And even though we are arguing, I love him with all my being

I wouldn't trade him for anyone in the world

He's my life

I would die without him

But I still remember his voice...

Untitled by myself and my husband, written a few years ago

The rose petals wilt as the bee stings
The sky gets dark and drops fall lightly
The child picks daisies and softly sings
The man whispers sweet nothings ever so lightly
The girl slides the knife hard across her wrist
The boy holds the gun cold against his chin
The boy and the boy lean in for their first kiss
The virgins shaking in the bed don't know where to begin
It's funny how life puts you in these positions
Making you make all the bullshit decisions
But you have no choice, you gotta live it
Just sit back, watch, and enjoy as the world goes to shit